Invisible....Visible....Invisible

2:28 am - Me: Hi! found something interesting to show.. mail me back asap
2:29 am- K: What is it?
Me: I found the link for that video...
K: Thats great.
Me: What's so great. You havenot even seen it.
K: Send the link. Don't waste my time.
Now i was wasting his time. Guys can be so rude at times!
Me: Okay check your mail. Btw r u online? Why aren't you there in my chat list? did you delete me from yours?
K: Not yet. I am invisible.
Me:Oh! Are u "busy"?
K:Yes I am. Goodnight.
Me:Okay. Goodnight.
What do you call a guy who is something more than your best-friend? Ya I know that the answer lies in the question. When i say "something more" it makes everything clear. The problem was that this phrase was complicating everything; a stranger-turned-best friend turned into a stranger again and I was to blame for it. I was cross with myself. Why on earth did I have to mail him at this hour when he was busy with someone else? But I had to share it with him, I always shared everything with him . I had to tell him when I made my first rangoli, when i got my semester results, when i bought that pink kurti , when i ate all those alloo ka paratha and green chutney and that poor fellow was starving in his hostel, I made my first corriander roti which was half burnt but lied to him that everyone at home loved my rotis, when i got my disappointing cat results and he was among the toppers, when i received my call letter from the placement cell,when kareena dumped shaheed; everything that mattered and didnot matter . He was a part of my life, a very vital part. Any decision that i took had to pass through him first. Damn it! I had become so dependent on him for everthing!

By now, you must have guessed that this guy was a friend(was because he now no more considers me one) and we had always spoken to each other only on chat sites or over the phone.
He found me on a social networking site and introduced himself as a friend from school. At first i could neither recognize the name nor the person, but i thought that since there were some 50 odd mutual friends from the same school so maybe i knew this guy and accepted him. I didnot know that he would start sending me love mails,e-cards etc; in short start hitting on me from day one! Okay, kidding. He was not one of those regular guys.
K and I chatted for the first time on facebook and we stopped chatting because he went offline within ten minutes. Was i so bad at talking to people? No. Guys luuuuuurve talking to me. As usual, I was indulging in pointless self-praise and i quickly made a list of guys who were bent upon getting 'married' to me. LOL. Atleast they said so. Yes you are right. Girls think a lot and unnecessarily conjure things that donot even have remote chances of happening .

"Facebook chat sucks!" screamed one of my chat windows and K was back. "quick! Give me your gtalk id". We shifted from Fb to gtalk and so did our statuses, from available to busy. Quite obvious. He showed me all the class photographs. "We were tiny little creatures ...very cute na?" he asked. Ya right! we were tiny little monsters and I looked like one too. I was standing right next to him. He looked like those kids whose moms never failed to make thier kids look impeccable. Neatly done hair,spotless uniform,sparkling shoes and i looked like a complete loser standing next to him with soiled uniform and dirty shoes. I knew he was lying when he said that i looked really cute... I had this boy-cut and looked like that shy kid who always cried and held on to mom's pallu. Chi! that girl in the picture cannot be me.
We chatted at length about almost everything, our college lives being the focus of our conversations most of the times. We had a lot in common and it was easy to talk to him about things that i could otherwise not even share with my mom. He was a nice guy. Nice meaning he was witty and funny and never flirted like the others did; not that i hate guys who flirt with me but with the kind of desperate flirting techniques that guys have resorted to these days, it is obvious that girls start getting suspicious of everything that any guy says. Anyway, probably he was too much of an introvert to flirt, though he likes saying that he was subtly flirting, whatever it was i never got to know. He was a book-worm and a pervert; all nerdy guys are. But he never went overboard when talking to me. Most of the times he was invisible on chat and i wondered if he did this to all the girls he was speaking to. SILLY! guys have this habit of being invisible on chat and make all the girls they speak to, feel "special" . Three months had passed and we hadnot exchanged our phone numbers yet. I knew that he would never ask for it unless i initiated. No pun intended. I finally found an excuse to ask for his number.

It was New Year and i called him to wish. He was in some crowded place, i could hear dozens of horns hooting together and numerous voices in the background.Was he in some mela? He knew nothing about phone etiqutee. He was half eating, half speaking and in between speaking to his friends and ordering kebabs too, while i held the phone close to my ears to listen to any word that he spoke lest i lose track of the conversation. Sad, there was no conversation. I decided to politely hang-up on him and never ever call him back again. I regretted for calling him and even decided to block him from my account. I was clearly over reacting. An hour later he called and apologised for not being able to talk properly. Hello! were you even talking to me? I was annoyed but somehow he managed to change the topic. After the customary stuff that every guy and girl talk when they 'speak' to each other for the first time we started speaking on our general chat stuff . Not so surprisingly, we spoke for almost an hour everyday and then almost every hour after a week. Months passed by.We knew everything about each other and he, I knew had developed feelings for me but he never brought it in our conversation. Somewhere deep inside i knew that I didnot want him to, becaue i wasnot really sure of my feelings. I liked him and it was good to talk to him and stuff plus he was a nice guy but i wasnt sure if i was "the nice girl" for him. Turned out that i wasnot.

He proposed and i said yes. I still don't know what made me say yes but as thought it fell apart in couple of weeks and i was responsible for it. It got messed up and how much ever he tried i couldnot switch on my 'love mode' anymore. I tried to but couldnot fall in love with him. He asked me to stop trying and let it come naturally. It never did. I donot know if it ever will but i miss him and without him everything around me feels empty and incomplete. "You live in denial" he pointed out to me, i wish i understood what he meant by this.